TV Movie: “Ice Quake”

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/9c1/68294143/files/2014/12/img_4962.jpgBad sci-fi movies are nothing new, especially if you’re a network with the sole purpose of pushing those films onto some unsuspecting people, and those that gleefully choose to watch them. But it’s only fun if the bad film itself, is one of those so bad it’s good, at least to you, that you don’t mind wasting your precious time with it.

The SyFy Original Pictures film “Ice Quake”, isn’t one of those fun bad sci-fi films, like “Sharknado”, but more one of those just bad films. And it’s not for the reason you think.

This SyFy film stars Brendan Fehr (“The Night Shift”, “House of Secrets”), Jodelle Ferland (“A Warden’s Ransom”, “Midnight Stallion”), Holly Dignard (“The 12 Disasters of Christmas”, “Textuality”), Ryan Grantham (“Way of the Wicked”, “The Carpenter’s Miracle”), Nicholas Carella (“Songs She Wrote About People She Knows”, “Supernatural”), Rob LaBelle (“Perception”, “Kill for Me”), and Victor Garber (“Power”, “The Good Wife”).

The film was directed by Paul Ziller (“Untold Stories of the ER”, “The Philadelphia Experiment”) and written by David Ray (“I Am Evil Knievel”, “End of the World”).

The film originally appeared on the SyFy network on Dec. 11, 2010.

What can I possibly say about this film that the title and mention of the network hasn’t already taken care of? Nothing actually.

Trust me people, this will be short. Quick and easy! That’s definitely more than what it was like to sit through the film and this was with fast-forwarding through commercials.

So the plot is simple, and lame. Something about methane gas being released after a quake, or something. There was definitely a quake involved! Anyway, it was pretty dull and lacked any real reason for me to care.

So, I like disaster films, I really do, but this shouldn’t have been made. It was incredibly bad! The acting was actually not terrible, but it, of course, wasn’t at all memorable. It certainly had me crying seeing Garber on screen uttering anything. So, since it’s not the acting that was terrible, what was?

The special effects?! The effects were in short supply for this film, which I thought was incredibly surprising, but still looked cheap. What else is new? But as cheap effects are a given, one can’t be overly dismayed when seeing a fake crack progress all over a snow covered area of earth. No, it wasn’t the special effects.

Okay, so what was it? Well, it was actually the stuff involving the characters you were introduced to. The ones that were supposed to push the plot forward, be it an interesting way or not. They did this, but it wasn’t fun.

Four of the characters were part of a family, that just happened to get trapped up on the mountain when the quake really started causing problems. A good portion of the film then involves following these people around. You follow them through the snow as they try and navigate to safety, even though, when you think about it, they’re never in any real danger. Sure the situations seem dangerous, and that’s not just because the writer said it was, but because in real life, I guess they would be. They’re not. I’m not concerned with them at all. I’m actually bored. Eventually, all bits of dialogue just started to sound the same, as I tuned them out somewhat, and watched as they somehow managed to get from place to place. They eventually find each other again, but by this point, I actually hoped one of them would be killed.

There’s some sort of military presence but even that I can’t recall. It wasn’t important. They just ended up being another group of people that were out trying to stop this deadly quake from destroying the world. They did the parts expected, which involved almost little danger, and helped save the world, per usual.

That’s the problem with this film. There’s no danger. Okay, there actually is, but it doesn’t get you excited about the film in any way. Again, this isn’t “Sharknado” or even “Sharktopus” (which is currently playing as I write this), where there’s loads more happening and is more enjoyable. You can certainly get a lot more laughs from watching those films, or any other film, that isn’t this one I saw. The next biggest problem, which certainly made this film less fun and just impossible to want to watch (by the time I figured that out, it was too late), is that when the technical dialogue was used, it didn’t just seem to go over my head, but it sounded so farfetched. I started to think that this wasn’t sort of based on reality, but that every bit of the scientific stuff was completely made up. I rolled my eyes and pretty much ignored what was said here too as I knew that whatever the plan was to stop the quake and the gas, it’d somehow work out in the end.

Oh! and to make things even worse, but fortunate given the current end of the year period occurring now, this film is set during the Christmas season! Nothing says “Happy Holidays!” like a deadly earthquake involving freezing and ice! But, it does allow for a ridiculous ending in which Fehr’s character isn’t really dead, never stood a chance of that fate, and has him bringing down some sort of tree for Christmas. That is, after all, why they were on the mountain in the first place. I won’t go on about how that tree wasn’t really a tree, but more like a bush. It was pathetic, like the film.

When I watch terrible films, I want what I expect will be given. A fun terrible film! When you only give me terrible there’s no way for me to be okay with what I watched. It certainly has me wondering all over again, in a serious way, why I watch these films. Even though I wonder, I know damn well that I won’t stop. Hey! If the network wanted me to stop watching these bad films, then they should stop making them.

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